Hemlock Horrors

The night was young. We had just left the Hemlock fair after a few short hours. Enough for Steve to get a buzz and me in my fifth month of my pregnancy tired from all the walking. The roads are dark out here, houses miles a part from each other, and the roads still dirt, not a spec of pavement has been laid in these areas. Our drive back is about a half hour. We know there is never police in these areas but we are safety Sam’s so I get behind the wheel of his tan Tiguan.

The ride home consist of his drunk babble. You see because we are out in the farm lands this fair had not only the usual drinks, rides, and food, but also animals to pet. We saw llamas, cows, chickens, even a wallaby! But Steve didn’t care about those, he cared about the goats! I listen to him tell me how when we live up here someday he will have goats, it is his dream! He even had me venture with him to our local animal shelter back home after a few goats were born to see how much it would be to adopt them.

I don’t like many people but this guy right here is one of my favorites! He stands about 5’11, blonde hair on his head, beautiful sky blue eyes on a clear spring day, a nose so masculine with a strong beard to follow. His beard is darker than the hair on his head, one of my favorite things about him because it’s not something you usually see on men. He has a gut, nothing crazy, but something you would see when imagining a logger. But his muscles, there is no denying them, they are there and they are sexy! Big biceps and his calves they stand out! He claims they are so big because every morning getting out of bed he does a 250 pound squat with them. A humorous one he is, one of the many reasons I love him so much!

“HIT THE FUCKING BREAK!!!!!!!” Steve yells, snapping me back into reality after shutting out his drunken jargon about the damn goats. In front of us stand a beautiful tan doe. Black on the tips of her ears, and eyes to spook you in the night. “Now hang on there is probably a few more behind her.” He continues. And shortly after two little yearlings follow what’s seems to be their mother.  And we continue on our way back to the cottage.

I sit back and think about how beautiful of a night we had had. Last minute Steve called into work and decided we should head up to his parents cottage in Conesus to give his dad his birthday present and take me to the Hemlock fair I have only heard stories about. We spent the first hour unloading our bags, chatting it up with his parents and a married couple his parents are friends with, and then ate some dinner before heading out. When we got to the fair he started off with a beer and then we walked the grounds looking at all the rides, games, smelled the delicious smelling food, and just wandered into the festival.

“Babe there is this old monastery up the way, it’s a bit creepy but no one is ever there and I need to pee really bad, pull over down there so I can go.” He interrupts my train of thought. “Yeah babe you’ve driven me by it before I remember where it is, that’s fine.” I respond.

Within what seemed like only a matter of seconds we pull up a little past the church that is now neglected. I get out just to look around at this eerie place. To be honest I have an interest in these kinds of places but at the same time they scare the living hell out of me. “Jesus, you really had to go!” I say with a giggle to him. And then continue to look at what is in front of me.

“What the fuck was that?!?!” I hear Steve mumble to himself. “What’s your problem?” I say to him. He tucks his junk back in his pants and says “I don’t know, it’s the middle of July and I just got a chill all through my body, it was very weird!” He says with confusion. “This place is pretty cool looking though isn’t it?” He continues. “A bit eerie in the dark I have to say.” I tell him. “Come look over here babe, there is these old cobblestone buildings down in the grottos over here it’s pretty cool!” He says to me while tugging me towards them. I couldn’t refuse even if I had wanted to, his strength and mine have no comparison,  I would lose for sure. We look around as he shows me these cool historical buildings. The first one I see looks like just the front of a building with just a door, but hard to see because not only is it dark, but it’s also 30-40 yards away from us behind trees.

I then hear what sounds like a steam to my left. I keep squinting trying to see if it is indeed a stream I hear, and sure enough it is with this beautifully build bridge above it. This bridge seems like it went over something more than just a stream, maybe what ever water was down below has now diminished to what it is today.

“That’s not all.” He says, “Come walk with me past the gaurdrail, there is this really cool building over here!” He walks so quick, you would think with those massive calves it would be hard to carry them that fast when walking. Me with my short little legs and pregnant belly hustle to catch up. I don’t know if I want him near me to keep me safe, or if my adrenaline is kicking in. We get over to the third building. This one I don’t really know how to describe it other than the earth is now claiming it as its own. Just covered in trees, moss, and grass. Even the door way is slightly covered by the trees. It looks to have some writting on it but as we get closer to read it I see out of the corner of my eye a light turn on in the abandoned building to the right of me, next to the church where the monks once lived.

“Steve, look at that! Who the fuck would be in there?” I said clenching his arm. “Jesus Alyssa let go, it’s probably nothing.” He replies, “Let’s go check it out though, this is kind of cool!” He continues with curiosity, me not as much. I’m starting to shake now, I can feel the adrenaline kicking in and my stomach is in my throat. “Do we have to?” I ask him. “YES, what else are we going to do, rush home to the cottage to sit around a bone fire and listen to my dad tell drunken jokes? Let’s go!” And off we go…

The light turned off quickly, as if who ever was up there was trying to hide the fact that they were up there. Steve didn’t care, he still pulled me along to investigate what it was. As we move quicker and quicker to the main door a bold of freezing cold rushed through us like Elsa from frozen was trying to turn us into Olaf. “Steve did you feel that?” “Thank God, I thought only I felt it!” He replies. “I’m starting to get scared Steve,  I think we should leave!” I say to him. “Not yet Alyssa, I just want to see if we see any movement!” He says.

After maybe a 100 yard jog from the grotto to the buildings, we are finally dead center in front of the church. We both look up, not only filled with curiosity, but admiration for this beautiful antique building. “Again Steve, I really think there is a spirit here, why do I keep getting chills?” I cry to him. “I’m getting it to Alyssa,  it isn’t making you more curious of what’s going on?” He asks in return. “NO not at ALL!” I yell as I look into the front of this building clenching his arm.

“We need to go now!” He yells! I look up in disbelieve that he is now, only with in a few seconds scared. His voice trembling! And as I look up I see what looks to be two little boys, both in black suits, bowl cuts in their blonde hair, and eyes as cold as ice! I let out a loud scream as they both walked through the doors with ease. And I high tail it for the car. Where we head back to the cottage both shocking and scared.

The day is now May of the next year, we head down to this same area to take pictures of this old place, and as we stand in front of the old church, I take this picture…

It’s actually a beautiful sight, but knowing what he have seen here, I’m not sure if this is a sign or just a coincidence….

My first time!

It’s December. It’s cold up here on the hill. Nothing like January or February in Rochester, but cold enough to need layers. I have been up here a few times before. I’ve hunted up here. But this is my first time experiencing gun season in the winter up on the hill. The boyfriend doesn’t trust me in the stand with him during gun season yet. Claims there isn’t enough room if something walks by. That’s ok I’ll sleep in.

His father awake around 8:00, now two hours my boyfriends been out in the stand. I hear a radio playing in the background. I decide to stay in bed because his father is not the morning type. I let him drink his Coffee, read his paper, and listen to his music. Once I hear the door open I’ll go out, unless Steve decides to stay in the stand all day, if that’s the case I’ll go out into the living room around 10.

10:00 hits and I’m sick of laying in bed, I venture out into the living room to watch some hunting shows.  Being way out in the middle of no where all you can get is satellite. I keep quiet in hopes of not awakening the beast just a few feet away at the dinning room table watching the same show as me.

11:00 rolls around and Steve walks in with his rosey read cheeks mumbling something about how cold it is out there, he didn’t see one animal, and his scope died.

After a quick nap we take a trip into town about a half hour away, and down the hill. We find the battery he needs for his scope and continue to look around the dollar general just for something to do. After what was probably only 20 minutes we head back up the hill to the cottage so steve can go out for the afternoon hunt.

He suits up and heads out while I hang out with his dad again. This time a bit more chipper because he has a few beers in his system. We talk about this and that and then I head outside for a smoke. As I stand by the fire pit covered in snow I look up and see what looks like a spec of brown walk by in the distance, I pay it no mind and continue with my smoke.

BAM….. BAM the sound of a gun goes off twice maybe 40 seconds after I saw that brown spec. “What the fuck! I think that was Steve!” I think to myself. Over joyed I run inside. His dad looks at me with excitement and says “Did he get one?” “I don’t know!” I respond. As I finish my sentence my phone rings. “Tell my dad to get out here I got a buck!” I hear on the other end. “Ok” I say as I hang up “He got one, and he wants you out there!” I tell his dad. His dad grabs his coat and rushes out the door to go find Steve in the woods. I quick throw my boots on, not even tieing them in hopes to not miss a thing!

I quick run through the semi thick snow with hopes to catch up to his sluggish dad. I get to the pond where I see Steve grabbing the deer by his antlers and pulling him out of the shrubs. His dad a few feet away from me. “Good job boy!” I hear his dad tell him “Now let’s get to work he says.”

I am just so over whelemed with excitement I don’t really hear any of the conversation that’s occurring. I stay a bit away as well not sure of what I’ll see. I just take my time. I walk slow making sure the deer that’s currently looking at me with his tongue flopped to the side is truly dead. I know Steve has mentioned that they smell when they are being gutted so I keep a bit aways because of that.

I watch everything. Take it all in. His father cuts the deer and rips the skin apart, reminded me of a zipper being pulled apart instead of being unzipped. He then cracks through the deers ribs, I’m sure I heard a sound but I was so taken back by his father talking about getting to the heart and finding a place to put it so we could bring it back to the cottage and put it in the fridge.

Oh fuck there’s the heart! “You want me to what?” I yell to Steve. “We need you to hold it while we finish gutting the deer.” He replies. Great, now I get to carry this guy’s heart.

The boys finish up and leave the gut pile laying there while Steve drags the deer back to the cottage. He explains to me how they leave it there and the coyotes and raccoons will come and eat it, so no damage done there.

A warn out breathless Steve arrives at the cottage with his deer while Mike pulls up the drive way. I head into the cottage to get warm and analyze everything I just saw while the boys lift the spike up facing head down to get the remaining blood out.

The boys come in and congratulate Steve on his kill, and talk about the food he can make with his meat. I just think oh my God. This has been the best day of my life! I’m not one into killing things or watching things die but to know his meat will be eaten and used I’m ok with that. This is my first time ever experiencing any of this, and it made me look at my man in a whole new way. It’s as if I fell in love all over again!

“Will you be coming to my dad’s tomorrow to watch me prepare the meat?” Steve asks me. “Sure.” I respond. Not knowing what I’m in store for tomorrow we sit down to some dinner and a few drinks before bed.

Sence Steve got a deer yesterday we get up and get ready to head home. The men take the deer down and put it in Mike’s truck bed to bring to Steve’s dad’s. We head home to unload the car, unpack,  and shower before we head to his dad’s.

A few hours pass and we’re at his dad’s. I sit here in amazement as I watch this animals fur and skin just get pulled back off his body. It’s really quiet amazing. He then begins to cut the meat off of the deer, something I didn’t think my stomach could handle, but oddly enough I was amazed!

This whole experience has been with out a doubt one of the best I have ever had! Maybe not for everyone esspecially the weak stomached, but something I am so glad I got to experience. A day I will never forget!

He could be my forever…

My mind is a mess! I want nothing more than for this man to be out of my life! I get that he will never be entirely out of my life because we have a daughter together but FUCK why won’t he leave my house!?!? It’s like some sick way of him having control over me! Why do I pick men with such issues, why do I allow them into my life? I had a good up brining. Yes my mom and dad divorced when I was two years old but to be honest it’s the best thing they ever could have done for my future to make me a decent human being. They were not right for eachother I wouldn’t have known what’s up and what’s down if they stayed together, so I am thankful for their parting. Both had partners my mom’s boyfriend left when I was in 6th grade, and to this day my dad is still with the same woman. Both stayed in my life. And I had equal amounts of time with both so there is no excuse as to why I choose these men other than I’m young and dumb, don’t want to be alone and just settle, or I have insecurities with myself?
I do my usual chores for the day. Clean up the house before Bella’s therapies, feed Bella, get her ready, get myself ready, and finally a moment to sit.
“Ding dong” Well that break didn’t last long. “Bella guess whose here?!?!” I try to get my two year old ready for physical therapy. She seems unamused but none the less ready to play with her new yet older friend. We do this multiple times a week. She gets tired quick from her therapies but these woman are great with her and try to separate work and play. Mean while I sit on the couch fighting sleep. “Maybe if I shut my eyes for just one minute they won’t notice…” I tell myself. Up half the night texting a guy who I won’t admit I have a thing for but yet can’t put the phone down to get some rest, just to be up at 6:00am for our daily routine.
What felt like a minute was really a half hour. Therapy is almost over and shortly after another will be arriving. Hopefully I can stay awake through this therapy so I can continue their work when they are not here to work with her. But this guy I can’t get him out of my head! He knows exactly what to say. Talks of our future have come up, talks about running away to his cottage when the weather is nicer, talks of how attractive one is to the other. But I can’t like him, he’s so much younger than me! It’s not right!
“Beep” Steven J. Cole appears on my iPhone screen. “There he is! He must have just woke up and thought of me! Calm yourself woman! Just read the text.” I tell my confused self. “So I was thinking Django unchained is out would you like to go see it with me?” His text read. “Like a date, or just friends?” I respond. “Like a date.” He replied. “OK! Sure.” I respond with. “Now what do I tell this son of a bitch I broke up with back in August, then again in October that I’m going on a date? You know what never mind fuck him! It’s none of his buissness what I do with my life anymore, it’s not my fault he won’t leave my house, I don’t have to explain myself to him as long as our daughter is taken care of.” I tell myself.
The day continues on, my daughter and I take a trip up to pizza Hut for lunch after her therapies as a “you did good work baby, mommies proud of you!” But also to see her grandma who works there. Then back home to hang out before her dad gets here and I head to work.
I kiss her head goodbye, telling her to be good for her daddy. I have a love hate for this time of the day. I hate having to leave her and I hate having to work, but I love having a few hours to myself and I am able to converse with other adults if I like. I turn on some 90s on Pandora and hope for some good throw backs to chipper up my mood on the way to work.
I dance the whole 20 minutes to the job mentally preparing for what’s in store for me here today. I pull in and park as close as I can get and if your a wegmans bakeshop employee you know close is never really close at 2:30pm. I smoke my last cigarette and head in through the shit brown turn styles, not once but twice with my nifty little badge with my hideous picture on it. Head to the changing room to put my uniform on in this very dully lit, green room filled with tan lockers. The smell of woman’s perfume and old food attack your nose. It’s never quiet these little hens are constantly in here passing gossip as if that is their job that they came here to do. I ignore them, slip into this beautiful blue sanitation uniform, put on my steel toe boots, throw my hair up, and walk out the door to get a hair net for my hair, walk to the bathroom and put the hair net on my head. “Ugh it smells today, I prefer the smell of donuts in the fall then this nasty bread smell! Wonder if I’ll see Steve tonight? Fuck I seriously need to hurry and clock in.” I tell myself.
We all wait in this opened room filled with flour, dust, and dirt and wait for our assignments. The whole two years I’ve been here I’ve been stuck on bathrooms as if they don’t trust that I can clean other areas. I am told bathrooms again, what a surprise, I go get my cart and continue on my way to do my job. The whole time just thinking about his face, maybe if I go this way I can run into him.
“I hate this place these woman are fucking slobs! They’re worse than the men!” I think to myself while cleaning the woman’s back bathroom. I walk out to grab some toilet paper off my cart. Steve walks by, “do I say anything? Or do I just stand here? Do I let him approach me? Ugh I probably look rediculous and sweaty” “hey!” He says while walking up to me. “Hey, what time are we going tonight?” I ask him. “Movie starts  at 7:30, but I was thinking we could get together before that and just hang out, does that sound good? Like 6:00ish?” He says. “Yeah that’s great!” I reply. “I’m just going to have you pick me up at my dad’s so there is no issue with asshole.” I tell him talking about the man whose still living at my house. He knows all about my situation, I believe the only way to start a good honest relationship is to be 100% honest from the start, I’m sure he’s skeptical at times and questions mine or his motive but after months of being friends and building a friendship he is still here so that tells me he cares, and wants to be here. He heads out, to head home to shower and get ready for tonight.  I finish my jobs early and left as soon as I could so I could look some what decent tonight.
I rush home to change and freshen up, not even 20 minutes and I walk out of my house to a blizzard. I’m petrafied of driving in the snow so I text Steve to let him know I might be a few minutes late to my dad’s and give him the address.  I’m now on my way and jammen to Macklemore  before he was famous. I’m nervous, I’ve never been on a date before. I don’t want to be awkward! I’m now shaking part of it is anxiety from driving in these terrible conditions, the other nervous of what tonight will bring.
Through the snow I see his green cavalier coming up the hill. “OK Alyssa get ready, here he comes!” “Hey! Long time no see kid!” My corney ass says to him as I go to sit in his car. “Hey!” Did you find it ok?” I asked him. “Yup, pretty easy. What do you want to do while we wait for the movie? I was thinking maybe just hang out and chat?” He says. “Sure sounds good!” I reply. We spent the next hour just chatting. We some how always have something to talk about. At some point during our conversation I see him looking straight ahead, I take that minute to check him out and think to myself “is this really what you want Alyssa,  he’s really not your type,  but he is cute, and oh so funny!” He now looks at me with a smile. “You want to head in now?” He asks. “Sure.”
We head in, he pays, he buys us drinks, snacks, and popcorn. “Wow, no one has ever done that for me  before, I’m so used to always having to be the one to pay!” I think to myself. We head in and spend the next few hours watching the movie.
The movie ends and we head towards the car. “What did you think of the movie?” He asks. “It was good.” I say shyly. We talk about the movie for the next 10 minutes to my dad’s house, where my car is. We get there and it is completely covered in snow. Doesn’t this guy get out his little red snow brush and brush off my whole car for me, While having me stay in his already warmed car. “How sweet!” I think to myself. As he finishes I open the door and get out to smoke 1 last cigarette with him and thank him for a great night! He then says good bye and gives me a bro hug. Awkward to say the least, ha ha. But I laugh about  it, and send him a kidding text about it once I got home. I then spent the rest of the night making my bed on the couch and texting him until my eye lids finally came down and brought me into dream land.

Listen to your heart

Don’t think twice when listening to your heart,
Never question when to start,
Be strong and never give up on someone, let the stars in to weak and cripple the strong,
Fierce the place that you belong, ignore the ignorance,
Keep your head high,
and don’t make your conscience a lie,
Fly way to the top,
and go forever with out a stop,
Hug the sad,
Kiss the glad,
Bring joy to empty hearts,
Take the pain out of parts.

21 and ready for fun!

The day has come! June 25th, 2007. “Kkkkkkkkayla, are you ready for this shit bitch!?!?!?” I text to the girl who is no longer my best friend but now roomie. My mom backs the uhal  into my new driveway, that’s right MY! Just turned 21 two days ago. “Happy birthday to me!” I think to myself. We start to unload the boxes and little bit of furniture I had from my mom’s. Up in my master bedroom with two doors, walk in closet, walk in bathroom, and skylights I hear yelling, not horrible screeching yelling, but that excited I am an adult yell. “Captain is that you?!?!” “Chchchyeahhhh!!!!” Kayla responds damn near right behind me by this point. Beautiful just stunningly beautiful this one is! Long jet black hair, brown eyes, olive skin, beautiful big smile with a gap inbetween her two front teeth. (probably my favorite feature on her as odd as that may seem, but I personally think it fits her.)
We met a few years back I working as an environmental service aid, her as a food service aid at unity hospital. We’d walk by eachother numerous times, road the elevator together I couldn’t tell you how many times and all we would do is smile at eachother. We were both shy no doubt about that but neither of us could have expected what our personalities would have become once we became friends. One day I was cleaning the nurses station when she walked in, damn near cornered me!I was way in the back of this dim lit long but tight room, she walked to the fridge a meir 3feet from me puts her jello for a patient in the fridge, looks at me and says “Hi I’m Kayla, we always smile at eachother so figured I’d say hi!” A few days passed and before I knew it I was driving with her and her other friend Toni out in Brockport to some dudes house. Bored out of my fucking mind I sit on this dudes couch thinking to myself “How the hell did I end up here?” The weed has now set in, I look over at Kayla, a cushion in between us and she let’s out a cute giggle. Toni hanging out with her friend while Kayla and I giggle like two little school girls together. I can see jealousy in this one. She keeps glaring at me everytime Kayla and laugh, oh well her fucking problem I say to myself and continue to converse with my new friend.
Weeks turned into months,  which turned into years, which turned into today! This girl is my best friend, my strength when I am weak, my lighter to my blunt, my cap to my tain. I’m so excited not only to have my own house but I couldn’t have picked any better of a roommate!
“Let’s get this shit done and party the night away in our new house!” I tell her no painting needed just organizing, and setting up furniture. It didn’t take long before we were finished and felt as settled as we could with what little we had.
The house was super nice. A condo in a suburban neighborhood on the western side of Greece. A track filled with people who smelled of moth balls. Two floors, basement, garage, and 1 and a 1/2 baths, Cathedral ceilings in the living room and master bedroom.  Just flipped by a realtor, it looked super nice, but we’re young and broke. Who cares this is home to us we can make it into whatever we want!
The hours passed and we’re as good as we can be for one day, Nick and Trey come to chill, smoke, drink, and check out the new place. Blunts have been rolled and passed, bottles of liquor have been cracked, by the time 10:00pm struck. Noise ordinance in greece is 10:00pm, we don’t care nor do we realize what fucking time it is, we’re lit! Someone found a porn, not too sure where the porn came from, the boys could have brought it or Kayla or i very well could have had it in our stashes from our many many trips with Steph to the porn shop on Mount read. Never mind none of that is important, what’s important is what was done with that porn. I currently have 3 underaged people in my house, the smell of weed pouring out the windows like method man and Redman in a scene from How High, someone gets the genius idea to take a bottle of liquor place it in front of the front door and prop the porn DVD against it. Little did we know that not long after that was done would a cop be knocking at our door.
BAM BAM BAM “It’s the police, open up!” Omg omg omg, what do we do!?!?! I think to myself, fuck it, I grab the gold knob and open it up. “Hi officer what can I help you with tonight?” I said to this tall skinny brunette officer. “We got a complaint about this house having too much noise at such a late hour, now I don’t hear any music, nor did I hear anything when I pulled up so I’m just going to give you guys a warning, who ownes this house?” “I do sir.” I quickly say “alright well make sure to keep these guys and lady quiet because if I have to come back we will have a problem!” He says in a stern voice. “Okay officer, we will call it a night and head to bed” I said to him, concentrating on not shitting my pants. “Have a good night.” He says “thank you officer, stay safe!” I reply. I shut the door and peep out the powder room bathroom waiting for him to drive away. “Oh my fucking god!!!!” We all scream shocked by how close we were to being in serious trouble! He clearly saw the liquor and porn because while talking to me he pointed his flash light at it, we all saw it! All I know is someone was with us that night, and saved us from some serious troubles! Thank God! And we did do as we said and called it a night. I think it’s safe to say we went into the house with an experience we would never forget, and many many more to come.

When the rain comes in

It’s funny how a hot night can turn so cold,
And how a happiness can turn into a sickness of sadness,
What’s up with me fucking everything up,
I’m a jinx that breaks all links,
My spine can tell a story of bumps and curves,
and my eyes will scream the crimes of twisted nerves,
I never learn, I still think negative,
My stupid brain finds painful memories attractive,
All my vain full thought and ideas,
Building in a cold room full of tease,
The stars that are out at night give a murk full grin,
Making me shiver and shutter with in,
I know I cause pain,
And I know my tears are heavier than the pouring rain

10/20/01

I thought you liked me, you seem to want to kiss, but now you’re in the dirt, and cold where I can see myself. The cold is how I feel inside, the dirt is what you see.

Car crash

I sit on my porch smoking a cigarette wondering what the next few minutes are going to bring me. I’m bored, I have nothing to do. As time tics by I’m hoping for something exciting to happen. A bunch of cars pass. One is at the side of me, waiting to pull out as another is coming from the other way. I get that nervous feeling that something is about to happen. I keep watching, getting so excited. I look down to put my cigarette out… BAM!!!!!

Gold

The cold air,
How it makes me warm,
and the rain,
Keeps me safe and dry,
The clouds,
That watch and hover over me,
And the wind,
That pushes me,
While pulling me deeper into a shadowed path,
The moon that’s out,
Has never glared at me so,
And the stars,
I see them giggling,
They all give me strength,
I do not need to hold on,
All I will do is float,
Wherever I am carried,
Where ever I drift,
Down to forever flowing river,
It sings,
While I am carried,
To another path,
The trees pick me up,
They throw me towards the sky,
Where the sun just sits,
I’ve reached my goal,
I’ve never felt this gold.

The mind set of him?

My dad and step mom walk in the house, “Guys I just got this weird ass phone call, I don’t know the number so I didn’t answer then they left a voice mail and it sounded like Bella screaming in the background! I got nervous so I called the number back and apparently it was her teachers cell phone, do you think she just butt dialed me because my name starts with an A and generally I’m the first name in people’s phone books?” I told them. “Idk that is weird.” My step mom replies.
“Dog will you shut up!” I yell ” Dad just let him out of the kitchen he already went to the bathroom so he’ll be fine.” The conversation turns into how my other daughter is getting so big to how Lisa has to go to work soon.
My phone rings again, “hold on guys now it’s Greece central” “Hello?” ” Hi, can I speak to Alyssa?” “This is she” I respond “Hi Alyssa this is Jen the nurse at holmes road, Bella had an explosion in class and we have no more pull ups or spare clothes for her to wear so she has to wear someone else’s home. Do you think next week you could send in some?” “That’s no problem!” I said “Well I guess she had this same accident yesterday and we told her father when he came to pick her up from school if you would have sent things in she would have been prepaired for today’s incident!” She says with a snarl in her voice. “I had no idea, her father doesn’t tell me anything! The last thing I am is an irresponsible parent and if her teacher would have just wrote a note in her folder when Bella was getting low on supplies we wouldn’t be in this pickle in the first place!” I replied letting her know I was not only annoyed but upset with the accusations. “Well either way would you be able to come pick her up she seems a bit off and considering it has happened two days in a row we think she may have a bug and think she should be home. ” “You do realize it is 20 minutes before the bells ring correct? I only have 1 vehicle and that is currently with my boyfriend at his job, now my dad and his girlfriend are here and I will ask them but it would take me longer to get all the way down to her than it would to just wait for her father! But if they can’t take me I will call her father and ask him to pick her up early.” I said. She then gave up with my attitude and said her goodbyes with some long spiel about calling her back if she has a ride.
“Fuck her!” I said to my dad and Lisa, “what a bitch!”  “This year has been nothing but problems and lack of communication with this school and now you want me to cater to you because my daughter has had bowel issues which we all know she has had sence the day she was born!” We then discussed how this has always happened to poor Bella she has always had an issue with her bowel movement, this is nothing new and the school nurse, teacher, and I have had talks previously about this issue. I then called her father, explained what was going on and he said his girlfriend was on lunch so she would pick her up from school for us.
Later that night I sent a text to his girlfriend to see how Bella was feeling, if it was just her common bowel problems,  or if she was in fact sick. She replied with Bella is doing fine so I assumed all was well again.
Today I start my day like any other, not a thought in my mind except that my cousin is coming over later so I wanted to get my usual cleaning done early before she came instead of later when Steve was home and in my way, ha ha.
I sent a quick text to Brit, Jonathan’s girlfriend asking her if she could have Jonathan call me sometime before he brings Bella home tomorrow. I didn’t specify what it was about but I wanted him to send clothes into the school and I would send the pull ups in sence I did both in the begining of the year and figured he could just bring the spare clothes when he dropped her off tomorrow.  There not always the best at returning calls or text so I went on about my day starting my cleaning routine. Not long after I finished cleaning did I get a text from my mom.  “I’m surprised you didn’t ask about Bella today” the text read. “Oh shit I did all my cleaning early today because Kelly is coming over later and I wanted it done early, did she call me? How was dance this morning?”I replied “Well she didn’t go they sent me a text saying she had an upset stomach and they wanted her to stay home and rest, which is fine just don’t tell them I told you.” She replied.
OK ok ok, now I’m pissed because I tell him about all of her doctors appointments and when she is sick why does he feel that it is ok not to inform me that she still isn’t feeling well? All I can think is all she probably wants is her mommy because I can’t speak for you but as far as I’m concerned when I’m sick I still want my mom and I’m 29 years old! My second thought is maybe her bowel issues have really come to something serious maybe she needs to go to the doctor to make sure nothing internally is going on. And then my last thought is that the least he could do is let me know what exactly is going on with her. I don’t care that she missed dance, knowing Bella she probably did need rest, unlike most kids her age she has a hard time getting through a full week of school, but that doesn’t mean you can just write off the mother of your daughter and not include her in subjects like our child possibly being sick.
In writting this blog I took a quick break and thought to myself instead of writting about him and sitting in the dark why not give them a call! I called their house phone expecting no one to answer when low and behold the phone picks up. “Hello?” I hear on the other line “Hey Jonathan what’s going on with Bells? Mom said she missed dance because she didn’t feel well?” I asked politely not knowing what his response is going to be. “NO she’s good, she’s right here dancing with her hat on, want to talk to her?” “Ah YEAH!!!” I yell “HIIIIIII MAMA MAMA MAMA!!” I hear on the other end her sweet sweet voice. So gental but so loud. The excitement in her voice to hear me on the other end makes me feel so good inside, maybe she is fine I think to myself. “Hey baby, are you having fun with daddy and Brit?” “Yeah!” She yells “That’s good baby, I’m going to let you finish dancing so mama can talk to daddy.” “OK, byeeee” she says “Hello, oh shit she almost hung up on you.” I hear him mumble “That’s ok, I called because I wanted to ask if you could bring home clothes for her tomorrow for me to send into school and I’ll send in the pull ups?” “Yeah that’s fine they mentioned it to me yesterday.” Then I went into detail about my conversation with the school nurse yesterday. “Oh yeah they did tell me on thursday.” He says, the whole time I tell myself don’t start a fight he does have her from 3:00-9:00 and it probably slipped his mind. “That’s ok it all wound up working out anyways so if you could just send her home with some please” I asked “yeah that’s fine.” It ends civil and with another quick conversation with my beautiful princess.
The moral of this story is to not let my anger get to me anymore when it comes to this school or Bella’s father. As for her school I know I have taken every action possible to try and keep communication between myself and them, it’s them who choose not to inform me of situations. So I am satisfied in knowing that any issues that happen at school is their problem and out of my hands unless informed prior that this or that could possibly happen. As for Bella’s father, don’t always assume what you hear is correct! Yes you dated him for close to 5 years, you know his personality and how he is as a father, 5 years ago, you do not know the man he has become today, or what his girlfriend is involved in when it comes to Bella and him. Not everyone is evil, not everyone tells the truth, and not everyone remembers the whole story. We are not perfect not one of us and situations occur wether we can prevent them or not. Just take each day as they come and do not make an miniscule situation into a HUGE problem because at the end of the day all will be subtle and at ease again.